he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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