I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
