R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
