I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
