he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
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My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
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There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
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