Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
