Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
