My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
She's not a foreskin expert like you
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
