he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
