Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
