I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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