May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
