Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
