So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
