so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they call him Oral-B. enough said
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm like, not good at living.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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