So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
