First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
