I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
