I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
