how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
