That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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