I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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