I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
