Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
