Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
