Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
