I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
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My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
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I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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