i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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