I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize