She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
