And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
