So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
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