We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
