I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
