Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
