is your mom at the bar?
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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