There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
