we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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