As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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