Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
