they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
