i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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