At least make sure they are 18
Why
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
