I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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