some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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