had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
