Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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