Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Randomize