2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
