Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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