The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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