I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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