i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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