Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
