How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Who wears a wallet chain?!
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
a search helicopter?!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
