dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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