The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
