how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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