Don't make out with my wife yet
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
