don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
