Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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