Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
