Just fell off a train. Bad.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
