Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
How does one acquire holy water?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
