everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
