Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
