Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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