I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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