tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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