Your dad touched me again.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
