wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
