every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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