You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!