he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.