3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
