i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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