Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
