did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
