I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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