OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
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Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
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If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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