She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
