I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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