im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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