Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
