Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
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Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
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Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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